WANTED

SBT (Single brown turtle). Must love children, and be willing to endure significant humiliation. Residual pink polish from cousins optional. No fear of long term commitments. Willing to travel large distances in a single fall appreciated, although not usually required. Must enjoy a variety of food options, including sticks, mint leaves, carpet fibers, and dirty little fingers that smell like old cheese. Deaf a plus. Must faithfully return year after year, regardless of previously flamboyant polish episodes. Must have a winning smile, and fetching personality.